12 Signs Your Cat Might Be Plotting to Kill You | Is My Cat Plotting To Kill Me? Anyone who has ever lived with a cat knows that they’re cunning, resourceful, and smart. Sometimes it might seem like your feline friend is up to something behind your back. Here are twelve signs that will tell you if maybe, just maybe, your cat plans to off you.
Warning: If you have more than one cat then you might want to get rid of them all. You can’t be too careful these days.
What are the chances of your cat killing you? How do I know if my cats trying to kill me?
12 Signs Your Cat Might Be Plotting to Kill You
Sign #1: Your Cat is Larger than Normal
Cats are natural predators. They need meat to survive so they hunt their prey and kill it using their sharp claws, teeth, and superpowers. It’s a cat’s nature that it would want to kill you, so if your cat is larger than normal then this may be the first sign that it plans to eat you.
Sign #2: You Walk into a Room and Your Cat Yawns
Normally when you walk into a room, cats will greet you with love and joy, but if your cat yawns instead then this may be a sign that it’s getting ready to pounce.
Sign #3: Your Cat Looks at You with One Eyelid Fully Closed
When your cat is happy, it will usually have both eyes open and looking directly at you so if your cat looks at you with only one eyelid fully closed then this is a sign that one of the two of you will die soon. Probably you, but some people think that if their cats give them “the eye” then they’ll outlive them. Personally, I’d rather not take the chance like those fools who wait around for their cats to eat them as though they’re leaving on vacation and won’t be back for a week or more. Your death will happen before your cat can get fat from eating you.
Sign #4: Your Cat Starts Eating Weird Things
Cats are carnivores so they eat animals. If your cat starts eating weird things then it may be a sign that it’s planning on making a meal out of you. Some people think this means their cats will outlive them, but anyone with any sense knows not to take the chance and have themselves made into the soup while they watch so they’ll know when the moment comes for the finishing blow.
Sign #5: Your Cat is Hissing at You a Lot
When a cat takes interest in killing someone it’ll slowly stalk them until it’s time to pounce. Usually, if your feline friend is hissing at you then it means that something is about to happen. Some believe that if their cats hiss a lot, usually when they’re outside and can’t pounce on them yet, then this is a sign that they’ll outlive the cat, but we’ve already discussed why this would be suicide.
Sign #6: Your Cat Gives You Presents It Killed
If your kitty brings you presents such as mice, birds, or other small rodents then this could be its way of telling you that it’s going to eat you soon. Cats often know when their prey is dead so if yours has found a fresh animal corpse to bring home for dinner then it will probably want to serve the bones and entrails up with some fava beans and a nice chianti for you later.
Sign #7: Your Cat Licks You a Lot
Cats groom themselves as well as each other, but some believe that if your cat licks you excessively that it’s telling you that it plans on doing some grooming of an entirely different nature soon. Once again, this is usually seen as a sign that the cat will outlive their human owner, but we all know how foolish this would be. If I’m going to die by choice then it’ll be at least after I’ve read my will and taken care of my business so there’s nothing left to do once you’re gone except wait for me to come along and finish off your cats too just as they finished you off.
Sign #8: Your Cat Loses Interest in You
When a cat is going to turn on someone they usually develop an interest in the first. They’ll stalk you and watch you closely so it can plan the best time to strike, but if your feline friend loses interest in you then this may be a sign that it’s planning its escape from whatever building or house it’s residing in within before it eats you. Once again, this is not a good thing for those who have foolishly assumed they’d outlive their cats because even if they do manage to escape, their former pets will probably just wait for them around the corner until they’re alone again like all predators do.
Sign #9: Your Cat Loses or Gains Weight
Changes in your cat’s weight are usually a sign that something is wrong with it. If you see that it’s lost or gained weight all of a sudden then this could be because it is ill and might soon make you ill too before turning on you to finish the job. Losing weight can also mean that they’re about to flee somewhere far away from where they won’t have to kill any more humans for food, but gaining weight may simply mean that they plan on eating their owner before long so there’s no point in wasting time by running away first before finishing them off for good.
Sign #10: Your Cat Stares at You All The Time
Cats usually keep their eyes open all the way until they’re about to pounce, and it’s said that if your cat is staring at you then this may be a sign that it’s planning on eating you. There are those who say that cats only stare at their owners when they’re about to die because they’re trying to tell them goodbye as well as those who believe that this will happen to them and they’ll outlive their cats, but we’ve already discussed why this is a very dangerous idea.
Sign #11: You Notice Food Missing and Hair and Blood All Over the Place
If you notice that food has been disappearing from your kitchen and there’s hair and blood all over the place then this could be your cat’s way of telling you that it’s trying to kill you by making you go crazy, but some believe it means that they’re about to die and they’re simply grooming themselves before turning on their owner. Once again, this is not a good thing for those who’ve foolishly assumed they’ll outlive their cats because even if your cat does manage to clean itself up again, it’ll just wait for you around the corner until you’re alone again.
Sign #12: You Notice Your Cat Staring at Something That Doesn’t Exist
Never mind the fact that your cat is probably staring at something that can see it staring back which is usually a sign that they’re about to be attacked, but if you notice that they’ve been staring at something for a very long time then this could be a sign that they’re about to die soon. This is because one of their ancestors was reportedly killed by a human who told them all a lie and claimed the creature was staring at him before his companion showed up and beat it to death, and now they stare at humans to see if they’ll do the same thing to them.
Is My Cat Plotting To Kill Me?
You go to bed feeling unwell. You know that if you don’t get some decent sleep, tomorrow is going to be hell. Unfortunately, as soon as your head hits the pillow the hissing and the yowling start…and it doesn’t stop! It seems like your cat has taken this opportunity to practice its vocal range, and is intent on keeping you awake all night.
Your cat seems to have been possessed by some other-worldly being from another dimension, and the only way to stop the incessant yowling is to give in and get up. In a zombie-like state, you trudge over to the food bowl and add a few extra-tasty treats to what you know to be an already over-generous serving.
You go back to bed, the cat thunders after you…and the yowling starts again! The horrible, high-pitched screaming noise penetrates your very being – it’s all you can hear. Your head pounds with every hiss, and you are beset by a terrible sense of impending doom.
As you lie there feeling sorry for yourself, you cannot help but wonder if this is what it feels like to be a mouse in the presence of a cat? You may not always feel that your cat likes you, and sometimes your cat’s behavior seems to border on neurotic….and then, just when you are at your lowest, you wonder if, in fact, your cat is plotting to kill you.
Is this a reasonable question to ask? Is there a possible explanation for the apparent desire for feline murder that seems to permeate through society? Has anyone ever documented this phenomenon in the scientific literature?
It’s very easy to see why so many people believe their cats are plotting to kill them. They don’t understand the concept of time, and they’re allowed into places that humans consider private. This means that they can carry out reconnaissance without being caught, which means that it’s up to you to keep your guard up at all times.